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honestly? im done with the lies. being little spoon fuckign sucks okay? it really does. its hot and sweaty and cramped and you better believe that arm wrapped around you is gunna go from “acceptable foreign weight” to “there is a literal blue whale colony collapsed atop you” in about 2 minutes flat. yall forreal want a FLESH BLANKET encasing you??? a goddamn slab prison of human skin and Person Tissue draped across your corporeal form??? find a God and grovel for redemption.

being big spoon though? divine. precious. it grants the sensation of being a benevolent egg white, swaddled loosely within your blanket shell as you in turn cradle the precious yolk within your grasp. you are a sublime deity of warmth and comfort, one who may bestow your blessing on any mortal you deem fit. an unparalleled joy to perform.

and you can grab a tit ty

can yall please stop reblogging this post i made after eating three entire packages of marshmallow peeps washed down with a near-deadly amount of nyquil 

Just say you’re a top and move on OP

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